the night lingers on. each second crawling to the next in what feels like an eternity. a cruel joke, really. another sleepless night, up with the baby as she refuses to sleep anywhere else but in my lap, upright in a rocking chair. exhausted and frustrated, i can't see beyond the sleep-deprivation toward anything worthwhile or meaningful. this will always be it. nothing to contribute to the world, no gifts to share, no lives to change. how can i? without a moment to myself to breathe, think, plan, move mountains? sleep? but then a thought flickers that maybe, just maybe , there's the slightest chance that this is my contribution. these are the mountains moving. for this season, anyway. void of glamour, reward postponed until years later, the epitome of delayed gratification. this is motherhood in the trenches. besides, i wonder if maybe there is something, a selfishness, in me that needs to die. and maybe it requires the long and frustrating nights to starve it ou...