He knows what i need

one day on twitter, a bunch of us blog friends were lamenting how we feel like such great friends but we don't ever get to see each other in real life. what if there was a way we could meet up and spend a bunch of uninterrupted time together, just being friends? i was totally in, and we started exchanging emails... until about mid-way through the planning i realized that there was no possible way i could leave my family for an extended period of time during football season. i had to back out, and i was really bummed about it. sometimes being a grown-up isn't always fun. [i was so tempted to hashtag that, guys. it's amazing what social media has done to us. #beingagrownupisntalwaysfun]

then this conference popped up called Influence. and it sounded so amazing, right up my alley, exactly the kind of thing i'd love to attend. not to mention, there would be plenty of friends going to this too. but it was the same october weekend as the little getaway i mentioned... football season. being a grown-up isn't always fun.

i'm sure you know by now that i'm a huge Beth Moore lover. well, every other year she makes a trip out to the west coast for a Living Proof Live conference. when she comes, i go. she's coming to Long Beach next weekend, and i had totally planned to make the trip. lots of friends were going, and my bff was planning to make the drive with me. 

but then everything sorta changed. and we started going to a new church and i started wanting to meet some friends and sunday mornings just weren't the best time for building deep relationships with people. plus i'm shy, so it's hard for me to put myself out there. 

they announced their women's retreat. october 5-7. the same weekend that i had to say no to two other awesome opportunities. i felt like God had orchestrated the whole thing to give me opportunity to go to this retreat. He'd helped me to say no to a few things that i really wanted to do. and then He sorta plopped this in my lap. and yes, i'm still shy. yes, it will be a little awkward for me on the inside. but it's exactly what i need. some friends that i can see in real life. not that i don't already have friends in real life, but you know what i mean. friends at the church i attend.

so, after i realized that i couldn't be gone two weekends in a row, i decided not to go to the Beth Moore conference. being a grown-up isn't always fun. i figured i'd "settle" for attending her simulcast instead. and oh.my.goodness. the way that God used that simulcast to completely rock my world and blow my mind, i can't believe i almost missed it! 

i have this weird trait. that even though i'm an introvert, and even though sometimes i'm socially awkward, i still sometimes suffer from FOMO [fear of missing out] depending on what it is. saying no to three really awesome opportunities was difficult for me. i wanted to go, i wanted to partake in all of it, but sometimes being a grown up isn't always fun.

i'm learning, though, that what might seem like the right thing and the good thing, isn't always. and i might have to say no. but God will always replace it with something else. something better. something perfect. something perfect for me. He already did that with the Beth Moore simulcast instead of the live conference, so i am anticipating He'll do that this weekend with the women's retreat. i don't know what to expect, but i'm excited. i don't know how to act or what to say to strike up conversation, but i'm willing to figure that out and wade through my insecurities to find the gift that God has for me there. i'm feeling expectant and hopeful. and i like feeling that way.