what i can control

it's funny how this blog has seen a few distincitve waves. seasons of lots of writing, seasons like the last six months, of almost no writing. i don't know if i'm back for good. i just know that there are things on my heart that i feel like i should share. so however long God places things on my heart, and however often He gives the time to write, that's when i'll be here.

all day long, i'm in my head. always thinking, praying, dreaming. sometimes my thoughts and prayers and mess get so thick and heavy that it's hard to wade through it all. more often than not, really. and those are the times i journal, write, create, draw, design, sing. just unplug from my mind and plug in with my soul and the things God made me to do. 

there are so many prayers constantly rolling around in my heart. most of them are offered up for things and circumstances that are completely out of my control. prayers for our family, for other people, for big dreams and small ones. all dreams i believe he gave me. 

those ones require faith and hope to keep praying. but there's freedom in that, knowing it's out of my control and God in his sovereignty with either provide or not. 

there are some things, though, that are completely within my control. they're just a matter of making choices. things within my control? being in the word, responding to my kids and husband with love and patience instead of frustration or exasperation, choosing joy and peace over discontentment or fear. those things, in His strength, i can control. 

i know that the only sure way to combat the bad and cling to the good is to be in His Word. it's time, again, to commit to reading the word, studying it, journaling it. i'm not naive enough to think it'll be easy. i know i'll have to fight for those moments. i know it won't look how i always want it to --- morning light peering thru the window, hot cup of coffee at my side, no kids to tend to because they're all still sleeping. that's my ideal but it will rarely happen. i know that. but i also know i DO have the time, it's just a matter if making the choice, and that's in my control. so i'm taking the control and deciding to do it. it won't be perfect but it will be fruitful.