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on embracing disappointment

sometimes it's the hardest thing we'll ever do to pause our ever-moving-forward agendas long enough to see another person. to have compassion and grace and understanding for them, especially when it interferes with our desires, when it means laying down our own needs in order to meet theirs.

our own motives and our own agendas can feel so important and forefront, so that moment of yielding to someone else can feel almost impossible. like a death of sorts.

because you know what? it hurts to die to self. it just does, no matter how insignificant it may seem to an onlooker.

but i'm learning to embrace all of the emotions that come with disappointments like this, not to ignore them or feel shame for experiencing them (probably the hardest part for me). to feel them, acknowledge them, let them sit there while i figure out the next right thing.

it's hard work to live in the tension of wanting to be healthy and magical and able to live above the waves - while still being very…
Recent posts

on fear and anxiety and unbelief

i've been struggling lately. i know. what a great way to start out my first blog post of like this entire past year. but really, does anyone even read here anymore? it's been awhile...

if you follow me on instagram, i've alluded to my struggle with fear and anxiety in small bits. but last week opened the floodgates when i shared a photo of that day's "Jesus Calling" entry which read:

Anxiety is a result of envisioning the future without me. So the best defense against worry is staying in communication with Me. When you turn your thoughts toward Me, you can think much more positively. Remember to listen, as well as to speak, making your thoughts a dialogue with Me.

If you must consider upcoming events, follow these rules: 1) Do not linger in the future, because anxieties sprout up like mushrooms when you wander there. 2) Remember the promise of My continual Presence; include Me in any imagery that comes to mind. This mental discipline does not come easily, beca…

why i can't stand "love the sinner, hate the sin"

i'm sure you've heard it said : "love the sinner hate the sin".

this phrase actually makes my skin crawl and my heart sink.

why, you ask? after all, it seems like a very logical approach for a Christian who's trying to prove they aren't prejudiced or judgmental. (do you sense my sarcasm?) seriously, i don't like it. because although it may mean well, when it's actually said out loud and "practiced" as a way of life, it breeds an "us vs them" attitude. it gives us the excuse to tolerate, but at an arm's length. to co-exist on the same planet, but certainly not share our lives and our stories or open our homes. it rids us of any responsibility or burden we may have felt otherwise. and besides that, it's a very divisive and offensive thing to say. and let's be honest, when we say this, we don't actually love the person, we aren't actively and intentionally seeking out tangible ways to love the person, we just hope …

the idol self-sufficiency

"O God of mine, I'll have no idols..." played over Pandora. "O God of Mine", an old song by Rita Springer, is a beautiful hymn-like melody with soothing vocals and peaceful piano music. deep in thought, as i always am, i was struggling with feelings of fear and shame that had been pulling me under the last few months. i'm determined to be free from its grip, so i'm digging in to find the roots and i'm arming myself with Truth and with practical tools. as that phrase sang form the speakers, it just flickered across my mind -- the idol of self sufficiency. i had never named it before, but i finally understood it as a huge aspect of my struggle with fear and a huge aspect of the burden of shame that i carry. (i wrote a little bit about that here)

now you're thinking i must be a planner, a doer, and get-things-done kind of gal. you're thinking i must run a pretty tight ship, i must be type-A.

and you'd be wrong. self-sufficiency is a idol f…

because He became a man

recently i had one of those days where my to-do list consisted of six different super-quick errands. seems simple enough to most people. before kids you could knock them all out in less than an hour and go about your day. but with kids, forget about it. you dread the outing for two days and put it off until you have no more food or toothpaste and your husband is wondering about the dry-cleaning and the alterations.

when you have to strap and unstrap three kids into their carseats for six different super-quick errands, it's a whole new kind of monster. it takes longer to get them in and out of the car than the amount of time we actually spend inside the post office, or the dry cleaner, or the bank. multiply that by six and we're all going crazy.

truly, there needs to be a drive-through dry cleaner, drive through full-service post office window, drive through banking (not just ATM but actually denominations-other-than-twenty banking), and a drive-up pre-order Target service woul…

hope spoken 2014 | a little recap

well. it feels weird to be back here in this space. i haven't regularly blogged for over a year. i'm feeling like it's time for a redesign but that's beside the point. i'm really here to tell you about Hope Spoken conference that i attended in dallas 2 weekends ago. everyone has been saying how they need time to process everything. i'm no exception. what i'm about to share is really an email i wrote to casey and danielle a few days after i got home, but i've edited and expanded a little. there is still so much more in my heart and mind that's not quite ready to come out:

i'm finally sitting down to pour out my heart after such an amazing weekend. the first thing that's hitting me is these three girls went with a dream and a mission and a calling from Jesus, and were brave to walk through the door and keep going, as danielle describes it. i'm sure they imagined how beautiful it would be but i don't think they could have imagined just …

what i can control

it's funny how this blog has seen a few distincitve waves. seasons of lots of writing, seasons like the last six months, of almost no writing. i don't know if i'm back for good. i just know that there are things on my heart that i feel like i should share. so however long God places things on my heart, and however often He gives the time to write, that's when i'll be here.

all day long, i'm in my head. always thinking, praying, dreaming. sometimes my thoughts and prayers and mess get so thick and heavy that it's hard to wade through it all. more often than not, really. and those are the times i journal, write, create, draw, design, sing. just unplug from my mind and plug in with my soul and the things God made me to do. 
there are so many prayers constantly rolling around in my heart. most of them are offered up for things and circumstances that are completely out of my control. prayers for our family, for other people, for big dreams and small ones. all dr…