ALY ALLEN | THE BLOG

i've been struggling lately. i know. what a great way to start out my first blog post of like this entire past year. but really, does anyone even read here anymore? it's been awhile... if you follow me on instagram, i've alluded to my struggle with fear and anxiety in small bits. but last week opened the floodgates when i shared a photo of that day's "Jesus Calling" entry which read: Anxiety is a result of envisioning the future without me. So the best defense against worry is staying in communication with Me. When you turn your thoughts toward Me, you can think much more positively. Remember to listen, as well as to speak, making your thoughts a dialogue with Me. If you must consider upcoming events, follow these rules: 1) Do not linger in the future, because anxieties sprout up like mushrooms when you wander there. 2) Remember the promise of My continual Presence; include Me in any imagery that comes to mind. This mental discipline does not come easily, be...

so i kinda touched on my college experience in this post. and i started thinking about how different that might seem to some people. not going away to school. not having that typical "college experience". not meeting my husband there, not living in dorms or going to football games or doing whatever you do when you're in college, because i guess i wouldn't really know. looking back, i don't regret this decision, but i'll admit at the time it was weird. i've always kept to myself,  been slow to meet new people, impossibly fearful of striking up conversation with strangers. so i just drove there, went to class, minded my own business, barely joined in class discussion, turned in my work, and that's about it. half-way through college, my husband and i got married. that was a very weird feeling. you're in this place where everyone is your age and they're all care-free and dating and breaking up and going about their day as a normal college stud...

sometimes i over-analyze things. actually, most of the time i over-analyze things. it can be anything, really. a trip to the grocery store, our monthly budget, a quick remark someone makes to me, a message i believe God wants me to share, how certain events will unfold and what the absolute best way would be to go about them, what people must think of me, and the list goes on. i think and i think and i think. i'm always inside my head. my husband will ask me what i'm thinking about, and honestly? one million things. it would take me a whole day to adequately answer him. in the car, i'm thinking. at home doing my daily mom duties, i'm thinking. always always processing. this is how i get myself into trouble with believing lies. there's a lot going on in my head so if i'm not super careful, lies slip in just as easily as anything else. always analyzing and processing and thinking... must be my  INFP   [introverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiving] personality...

which is too often. you too? credit it's usually when my husband is out of town and i'm home alone. he used to be gone a lot, but it's much less frequent now. you'd think with experience and age i'd become more accustomed to it, but i haven't. i still go upstairs before it gets dark and close all the blinds and lock my bedroom door and leave the bathroom light on [usually the tv is on really low all night too] . seriously, i know. it's on the verge of crazy.  this last time that i was alone, i decided to take my fear and my destructive thoughts  captive,   to make them obedient to Christ . instead of straining my ears into the silence and hearing every tiny creak of the house and car that drove by, i practiced faith. and by  practice  i mean that i got out a notebook and my Bible, and i started to write about how big my God is. i opened to Job and Isaiah and copied down, with a good-old-fashioned pen and paper, all the works and attributes of God. you...