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why i sing

i always love "american idol" season.
the part i don't love, is each time the new season starts, i start hearing it-
everyone wants to tell me why they think i should "go on american idol".
why they think i would win.
why they think i need to try out next summer.
i always politely say that it's just not something i'm interested in...
the honest truth is this:

i can sing, yes.
and i sing regularly in my church.
let's be realistic, first of all-
there are 1,000's of people exactly like me
in churches across America and around the world
that can sing.
they show up every Sunday to worship their God...
people scoff at that like it's so silly,
like "yeah, i just sing in church."
like they haven't been discovered yet,
or they haven't gotten their big "break" yet.

a couple of things:

it would be quite presumptuous of me to think that somehow i'm extra "special".
somehow i have that "it" factor that they always talk about.
that i have what those other 1,000's of "church singers" don't have...
um, i don't.
*especially* without the anointing of the Holy Spirit, can i get a witness?

number 2)
i've been discovered.
i've been *sought* actually.
i've been courted and redeemed by the Savior of the world...
the Savior of my sinful soul.
i've been loved and protected and created by the Creator of all things...
the Creator of my very heart.
i've been directed and equipped and FILLED by the very spirit of God himself.
how much more "discovered" do you need?
what bigger "break" is there,
than to approach the throne of God's amazing Grace,
as a pure and clean and forgiven mortal being,
to worship Him for His Holiness. His Grace. His Love.
His incomprehensible wisdom and glory and magnificence,
and plenty of other things that this human language will never be able to describe.

and 3)
i cannot imagine doing anything else with the talent that He so graciously gave to me,
that i never asked for or did *anything* to deserve,
but praising my Lord and Savior,
the Creator of this universe and of my soul.
doing anything but bless other believers.
doing anything but lay down my pride, my life, my lofty goals, my selfish ambitions,
and pour out myself so that all that's left is a completely empty and willing vessel
for the Holy Spirit to FILL and USE and *change lives*...
so, unless He brings me an opportunity to do all THAT in a more public way,
i'll continue to say "no thanks" to American Idol.

. . . . . . . . . .

God revealed something pretty earth-shattering to me about four years ago,
when i was asked to fill in as "Mary" in the Christmas show at our church.
i am. by NO means. an actress.
luckily, i just had to sing one song
and sit there holding a plastic doll...
the point is, i didn't realize that God was going to
*change* my life
through that tiny role.
He showed me that
i wasn't totally unlike the character i played:
i was completely out of my element.
i felt completely inadequate.
i felt completely un-prepared...
but God chose me.
{no, i am not equating the singing of one little song
to the importance of bearing and raising
the Savior of the entire world}.
but, none-the-less, He chose me
for that specific weekend and that specific role.
i believe that He chose me
so that He could change me that weekend.

i remember "stumbling"

{i use quotes, because honestly,
i don't believe you ever really "stumble" upon anything.
God is sovereign, end of story}

upon a song by Natalie Grant the night before the opening show.
"I Believe", from her Christmas album, titled the same.
that song, used of the Holy Spirit. changed. my. life.
i have *NEVER* been the same since hearing it,
and allowing the Holy Spirit to literally take over my mind and my heart
to understand the Truth that He wanted me to know and grasp and breath and live.

He wanted me to understand the significance of christmas.
seriously, you would think that someone
who had been a Christian believer for 20-some years
would understand the "true" meaning of Christmas...

{sometimes i wonder whether it was those 20-some years
that had hardened my heart
and made things monotonous and normal...

anyway, He wanted me to understand
that before the foundations of the earth,
He had appointed a place in time
that He would become a man...
for literally no other reason.
He came to this earth for the one purpose
of becoming the sacrifice that would cover all our sins-

past. present. and future.

this entire thing was laid out,
before the creation of the universe....
because He knew He would love me too much not to.

He wanted me to understand
the connection from Christmas... to the Cross.
they're not just two holidays that we like to celebrate.
one cannot exist without the other.
they were both pre-determined
and both necessary
for me and you to have a personal and regular
and ongoing relationship with Him.

as soon as i understood that,
it was like the flood gates opened up.
why in the world was i worried
about how silly i felt in the Mary costume
and how uncomfortable i felt sitting there with a fake baby
and thousands of people staring at me, etc. etc. etc...

it all came down to this
{which is also #2 of the things He wanted me to understand}.
this hit me right in the face like nothing i've ever realized before in my life:



it never has been
and it never will be.
in that same moment, all anxiety, all awkwardness,
all thoughts about myself and my feelings...
literally anything to do with me.
had vanished.
i was simply an empty body
for the Holy Spirit to fill up and use,
to do whatever He pleased.
from that moment on,
i only had one thing in mind,
and that was the overwhelming reality
of how incredibly small i was.
how incredibly insignificant i was.
how drastically unimportant any of my thoughts or feelings were....

compared to the beauty and glory
and PERFECTION of a love like God's love.
a love so Holy, that He would send His only begotten Son,
so that anyone who would believe in Him would not perish,
but would have everlasting life.

there is no other reason that i sing,
but because i know that my Redeemer came to this fallen earth,
willingly died for my sin,
and LIVES today at the right hand of the Father,
interceding on my behalf.
what else would you ever need to sing about?


  1. i have already been discovered... thank you for these words. so true.


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