Skip to main content

on my heart ...

i've been i a funk the last few weeks. i'm blaming it on the crazy early pregnancy hormones. but still, i've been in a fog, hit a wall, whatever you want to call it. dare i use the "depression" word?

almost no quiet time, barely making it through a day without crying, a lot on my mind, not keeping up on emails or blogs, far from the Lord's presence and peace... you know, just funky. i hate even one day like this, so the few weeks combined have taken their toll.


but this morning i opened my Jesus Calling devotional to this:

It is impossible to praise or thank God too much

and 

Fill up the spare moments of your life with praise and thanksgiving. This joyous discipline will help you live in the intimacy of My Presence.


and then i was reminded of the earth-shattering truths i learned in One Thousand Gifts. things like:

"it is thanksgiving that shapes a theology of trust" pg 152

"if [His] goodnesses toward you end, [He] will cease to exist. As long as there is a God in heaven, there is grace on earth and [He is] the spilling God of the uncontainabel, forever-flowing-love-grace." pg 161

"anything less than gratitude and trust is practical atheism" pg 148

"Thanks is what builds trust." pg 150

"Eucharisteo [a practice of giving thanks] always precedes the miracle" pg 160

"And the miracle of eucharisteo never ends: thanksgiving is what precedes the miracle of that salvation being fully worked out in our lives. Thanksgiving - giving thanks in everything- is what prepare the way for salvation's whole restoration." pg 40

"Eucharisteo is elemental to living the saved life" pg 40

so i'm getting out of the fog. it lifted on its own a little yesterday when we got to see our little peanut on the ultrasound screen. and i'm going to shove it off in the coming days with gratitude and praise. He is worthy of my best, though i know He hasn't become frustrated with me in the meantime. we are never too much for Him, never not enough for Him either. i've kept telling myself over these weeks that God knows. He knows more than i do. He ordained the crazy change in hormones, he sees the warfare that i can't see, He knows the bigger picture. He is always teaching me, even in the valleys and deserts that seem like they'll never end and just pop up for no reason. He is always good. 




Comments

  1. I know those down in the dumps feelings all too well. Hooray that He has lifted you from the pit! :0) Congrats on your little peanut!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for the reminder of what is important. Congrats on your little one!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love, love, love this post. I found you through the link up and I am so glad I did. I appreciate your honesty. I have 3 little ones and I have struggled off and on with the raging hormones, the depression, the blahs. And I too found much truth in Ann's book. I have blogged a lot about all of these struggles and the refinement process of being a mom that the Lord has chosen to use in my life. I'm your latest follower.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Love all the quotes you posted and your post in general, I hate that I need constant reminders to be more grateful, but I'm grateful for the reminder, ha thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  5. i've been in a funk lately too, and i'm not pregnant. pregnancy "horror moans" (as i call them) will most definitely do that to you.

    you are wise and right to "enter His gates with thanksgiving in your heart, to enter his courts with praise."

    We NEED in there every. single. minute. of every. single. day.

    may God continue to lead you into His presence, show Himself to you, and give you peace.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

hope spoken 2014 | a little recap

well. it feels weird to be back here in this space. i haven't regularly blogged for over a year. i'm feeling like it's time for a redesign but that's beside the point. i'm really here to tell you about Hope Spoken conference that i attended in dallas 2 weekends ago. everyone has been saying how they need time to process everything. i'm no exception. what i'm about to share is really an email i wrote to casey and danielle a few days after i got home, but i've edited and expanded a little. there is still so much more in my heart and mind that's not quite ready to come out:

i'm finally sitting down to pour out my heart after such an amazing weekend. the first thing that's hitting me is these three girls went with a dream and a mission and a calling from Jesus, and were brave to walk through the door and keep going, as danielle describes it. i'm sure they imagined how beautiful it would be but i don't think they could have imagined just …

the idol self-sufficiency

"O God of mine, I'll have no idols..." played over Pandora. "O God of Mine", an old song by Rita Springer, is a beautiful hymn-like melody with soothing vocals and peaceful piano music. deep in thought, as i always am, i was struggling with feelings of fear and shame that had been pulling me under the last few months. i'm determined to be free from its grip, so i'm digging in to find the roots and i'm arming myself with Truth and with practical tools. as that phrase sang form the speakers, it just flickered across my mind -- the idol of self sufficiency. i had never named it before, but i finally understood it as a huge aspect of my struggle with fear and a huge aspect of the burden of shame that i carry. (i wrote a little bit about that here)

now you're thinking i must be a planner, a doer, and get-things-done kind of gal. you're thinking i must run a pretty tight ship, i must be type-A.

and you'd be wrong. self-sufficiency is a idol f…

because He became a man

recently i had one of those days where my to-do list consisted of six different super-quick errands. seems simple enough to most people. before kids you could knock them all out in less than an hour and go about your day. but with kids, forget about it. you dread the outing for two days and put it off until you have no more food or toothpaste and your husband is wondering about the dry-cleaning and the alterations.

when you have to strap and unstrap three kids into their carseats for six different super-quick errands, it's a whole new kind of monster. it takes longer to get them in and out of the car than the amount of time we actually spend inside the post office, or the dry cleaner, or the bank. multiply that by six and we're all going crazy.

truly, there needs to be a drive-through dry cleaner, drive through full-service post office window, drive through banking (not just ATM but actually denominations-other-than-twenty banking), and a drive-up pre-order Target service woul…