you can imagine my silent tantrum. he could tell i was having an internal panic attack but i didn't want to let on. i hummed and hawed and said maybe that was a good idea.
for my husband, it was simply a matter of: we've been at this church since we were 13 years old and have never even set foot elsewhere. shouldn't we explore that? shouldn't we know why we're actually going here? we love the church, we love the people, and we definitely love the preaching. there's nothing wrong with the church itself, but sometimes there's something wrong with "it's easy and comfortable" or "we've always gone there" or "that's where everyone else in our family goes".
i tried to tell him that maybe he doesn't feel connected because he doesn't really serve in any way, that he's not really involved so it doesn't feel like home to him. after all, i've been singing there since before we got married seven years ago, and i feel like part of a family. it's not just "any old church" to me. how could he just, out of the blue, ask me to leave that for no particular reason?
i pouted over the fact that my last solo just before thanksgiving might actually be my last solo forever with that choir, not just for the nine month break. how come God didn't allow me to prepare for that emotionally? how come i had to just leave? it was like i didn't get to say goodbye, you know?
but i committed that day [between myself and God] to pray and to seek His will in it. to at least have open hands and an open heart and an open mind about what God might be doing. it didn't take long for Him to reveal a lot to me and once i committed to keeping my eyes open, i could tell that there was something in my husband that had been begging to unravel and develop. something that i better not step in the way of, no matter how much i loved singing at this church. it was deeper and heavier than singing. and i felt God telling me to just go; just follow my husband's lead. after all, he is my husband and God has placed him at the head of our family for a reason. i haven't always loved that truth, but this time i knew that i'd better embrace it. he was leading our family and i needed to be on board. i know that God leads people on to new churches, i just never thought that would be my story.
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