i've been busy with real life. you know, trying to keep the laundry pile to a minimum, trying to keep food in the pantry and get dinner on the table at a decent hour. trying to keep a teething baby happy who [if her big sister isn't around to entertain her] only wants to be held, and only while i'm standing. makes it hard to type that way. lately when i've had a free moment i've been designing or drawing or doodling. or just sitting in peace and quiet. the baby hasn't been sleeping through the night. she's been teething and really hating life, which means i'm awake throughout the night and can barely function in the morning. sort of a vicious cycle of sleep deprivation and just surviving the day.
there's been a lot going on though. a lot that i've wanted to write about but haven't had the time or energy.
but also? there's a lot of been scared to write about, if i'm being honest. there's been a lot that i've had opinions about or things i'm learning that i haven't wanted to write about because of what you all will think of me, and what i'm writing.
my family reads this blog, my family and my husband's family [hi guys :)]. a lot of people that i haven't talked to in years read this blog. i know it's a common frustration among bloggers who put themselves out there, knowing that people are reading but not saying anything to them about it or commenting on the posts, etc. and i get that frustration. but we're also putting ourselves out there in a public forum so it's hard to say who's fault it is, right? i can see both sides i guess. in light of that, i have been silent on some things that maybe i think will offend some people or some things that will surprise people about me.
but here's the thing: i am who i am.
and i will constantly change and evolve and develop and grow. that's natural and that's good. i guess what i'm trying to say is that i don't want to be fearful anymore. there's a reason that we call it "working out our faith". because it's something that needs working out, it needs ironing and it needs untying and it needs developing and it needs exercising. i don't want a stagnant faith. i don't want to stay the same for the rest of my adult life. that would be dangerous, in my opinion. there is so much to learn about God and the unsearchable riches of Christ that we will never "arrive". we'll never grasp it all fully, so there will always be more to learn, more ways to be broken and changed and re-made in His likeness. and right now, after 28 years of life, a lot of things i've always believed and ways i've always acted are being shattered and plucked away. in a good way. in a way that leaves less room for me, and more room for Him.
so i guess i'm saying that i'll start writing again. and i'll stop worrying about what everyone thinks. because no one ever accomplished anything by worrying about everyone else. i've always been an "image manager". wanting to control, or at least gently direct, what people think of me. and the truth is that no matter how hard i try, everyone's perceptions of me will always be different from what i had wanted, and different even from one another, based on their own life experiences and worldviews and a million other factors. i'm deceived if i think i'll ever be able to manage everyone's opinion of me and keep it all positive across the board. now that i wrote that out, i see how that's a stronghold and an area that satan would love for me to be stuck. of course he doesn't want me to write. of course he wants to keep me quiet. i think about 2011, and how much a wrote and how good that was for me [and for a lot of you, i think] and i want to be there again. no fear, no obstacles, just writing it out and letting God use it for whatever purposes He has ordained...
i just need to be who i am. everyone will not like me. everyone will not agree with me. but i can sleep at night knowing that God is working and stretching and making me new, and i wasn't afraid to tell you about it. and maybe one of you will read what i've written and be convicted or encouraged or challenged. and that would be worth it, wouldn't it?
so, all of that up there is to say... i've refreshed the blog a bit. it has a new name, a new URL, and a new design. it also gives some cohesiveness with the shop which i like.
blossom: to flourish, bloom. something lovely that gives rich promise.
and that's exactly what i feel like is happening in my life right now. it's a season of growth, possibility, new ideas and new perspective. changing, growing, being challenged and pruned. it's all good stuff and i want to share it with you. so i hope you'll come along for the ride as my life continues to blossom in the vine:
in the words of Jesus---
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. 9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love." [John 15]