Skip to main content

the one about how i don't do it all

i've written about it before, and so have many other bloggers, but i sort of feel like it should be re-addressed every so often just to reassure people:

i don't do it all. notevenclose.

a darling blog-friend commented the other day on instagram how i'm her hero. i laughed out loud when i read it, and some of you who know me in real life are laughing right now too. because i know myself and i am no one to aspire to, as far as having it all together or being a supermom or being some amazing example of productivity or wonderfulness.



i think i should do a "day in the life" post soon, just so you can see how crazy life is over here. not organized, not really planned out, not glamorous by any means.

because here's what i don't ever want. i don't ever want anyone to read this blog or read my tweets or look at my photos on instagram or look through my shop and feel less-than or intimidated or envious or not good enough in some particular area. that is NEVER my goal. i want to encourage or inspire or challenge, but never anything else.

because you guys, i'm just a girl trying to survive her day. and i like to throw in a little bit of creativity so that i don't explode, quite literally. some days i feel great about all that i got accomplished and some days i'm an emotional basket-case and can barely see past the poop and the messes and the meltdowns.


i know i'm guilty of this too, though: glamorizing other people's lives and wishing i could pull mine together to have half the grace they do as they blog for thousands of readers and lead huge ministries and plan awesome events and sell thousands of handmade goodies each month from their shops. really, i get why it could seem like my life is glamorous or any different than yours, but i'm just promising you that it's not.

we tend to showcase our most positive aspects of the day, do we not? because honestly, who wants to be around negativity all the time? in real life or online. i like coming online to see pretty things and positive things and wonderful things. if someone is too negative, i stop following. i just don't want it messing with my day. intentionally following a more positive group of people, i can start to feel like everyone else as it all together, so it does help me to understand why anyone might think that about me....



so just in case you thought i had it all together, here's the truth:

i am a terrible house-keeper. i've gotten much better than when i was first married, and now the messiness does begin to bother me after awhile, but i still cannot keep up with bathrooms and baseboards and junk drawers and vacuuming and just general daily life, like dishes. i have piles of stuff everywhere. maybe that's more like an organized mess?

i really try to stay on top of the laundry, but a lot of the time it just doesn't happen until my husband carts it all downstairs so that i can't avoid it. it stares me in the face, and it's his non-confrontational way of telling me "it's time". by the way, i appreciate this, just in case you were about to be annoyed with him for being passive-aggressive :)



i am e.mo.tion.al. with a capital "E", you guys. i can cry at the drop of a hat, and jump to conclusions based on nonsense and silly circumstances faster than you know what hit you. i believe this drives my husband crazy but he does a really good job navigating it with me.

i am terrible at time management. so i will have a hundred tasks going at any given time and when i finally muster up the energy to finish one, it is a huge deal. i live for those random and unexpected spurts of energy :)

i don't have a quiet time every single morning, as some of you may think. now, i NEED a quite time every single morning but it doesn't always happen. i WANT a quiet time every single morning but it's not always feasible. i have been learning to live under Grace during this season of my life as i have two young children. sometimes the baby wakes up three times in a night and i just have to catch that extra 30 minutes of sleep so i don't collapse from exhaustion. sometimes they won't play together nicely and i can't steal those minutes while they're independently entertained. but listen, when it does happen, i relish it, and my day is absolutely glorious because of it. it is nowhere near the same, but i do listen to worship music throughout the day and always in the car, and i do take showers [where all the good praying happens].



i don't have as thriving a business as you might assume, with the amount of time i spend talking about it or promoting sales ow showing you new products, etc. this feels weird to write about because you might think i'm trying to drum up your sympathy, which i'm not. i'm just trying to keep it real with you so that you don't picture me up all night fulfilling orders and designing. i do it when i can, and some days are more work-heavy than others, but most of the time i'm talking about it and showing you new things much more than actually shipping out orders :) i LOVE designing and creating so even if it doesn't pay the bills, i just can't stop doing it, you know? i need to be creative and i need to make pretty things and i need to tell you all about it!

i don't do many playdates. i'm pretty much a hermit. i like being home. i don't like having more than one big thing i have to each day. if we go to dance class, we may grab some lunch but then we come back home. if we have to run errands, i can't throw in a play date that same day. if friends are coming over, we don't run out to the grocery store later that day. i keep myself sane, because it doesn't take much for me to get overwhelmed. plus i just like home. those of you who know me in real life are either rolling your eyes or nodding along. you never see me. i know.


and through all of this normal life going on, i do yell at my kids, i do snap sarcastically at my husband, and i do have emotional breakdowns sometimes. i have my issues, guys. just like everyone else. we all might have different issues, but we all got 'em. the good news is that there are things i do well, things that are awesome about me, and things that you could admire... it's just NOT my ability to juggle a million things and have my life all figured out :) [what's most telling is that you could read this post about this very topic from last year, and some of those things i "didn't do" then, i now do. and some of those things i "did do" then, i don't anymore. crazy how priorities shift and life just happens.]

i just have to add this before i'm done: how thankful, and often flabbergasted i am that God would use someone so scattered and imperfect and often barely afloat like me, to make an impact on even just one person, let alone all of you who are faithful to read and let me know that my words have encouraged you in some way. the times where there's enough pause that He can speak to me, the moments that i can steal away to read His Word: they are like seeds planted, that grow in my heart as the day unfolds and i have time to process. back when i was writing a lot more, those were the things that often became a blog post for you. and that's why i came back. because i just don't want to keep all that to myself anymore. i am so grateful for those of you who have encouraged me, by letting me know i encouraged you. what a beautiful picture of unity and love within the body of Christ, even online.



and now, it's back to my crazy-not-put-together-normal life :) a baby is hungry and a little girl is begging to watch strawberry shortcake for the third time and i have a sink full of dishes and two piles of unfolded laundry strewn over the couch and dinner still to make. [i probably shouldn't let her watch strawberry shortcake for the third time, though, huh?] until next time...


Comments

  1. Not gonna lie, I like posts like this because it makes me feel okay about myself! Its okay to not do it all or not do it all well! Hooray! =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well, that was exactly my intention! i should've posted pictures of my messy house too, but my husband may have fainted if he saw that up on a public blog ;) anyway, i'm glad you're feeling some freedom now!

      Delete
  2. LOVED this post.
    LOVED it. You're right... while it's nice to read and look at the positive stuff sometimes this stuff needs to be said every now and then.
    So here's my confessional. Laundry kicks my butt. Not the matter of throwing it in the washer or dryer. But taking it out...folding it and putting it away. Monday I spent the WHOLE day ...no lie... folding and putting away laundry. Ridiculous.
    And yep. Totally hear you on the snapping at kids. I hate those days. Hate myself for being a turd to my kids. But thankful that God gives us a new day. And thankful my kids are so forgiving and forgetful;)
    Off to bed.. .but again. loved this post. Thankyou for being so honest and sharing your heart!

    ReplyDelete
  3. So refreshing and exactly what my heart needed today!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jess! i never emailed you to thank you for your sweet thank you card that you sent. so thoughtful and gracious :)

      and i know what you mean- i always feel refreshed when i read (and write) posts like this. they just help you feel normal!

      xo

      Delete
  4. I get overwhelmed easily too, and my kiddo isn't even here yet. Thank goodness for shower prayer time.

    ReplyDelete
  5. this was like reading about my own life. i've had friends (and my own mother who should TOTALLY know better!) call me supermom and ask me how i do what i do. but in reality, i am just as much a basketcase as the next overworked mother and wife! but my house? complete mess right now (and i'm sitting here ignoring it and reading blogs!). my kids? they get snapped at....my husband gets unappreciated....and my attitude stinks sometimes. and it's so comforting to know that others are going through the same daily struggles as i am. thank you for posting this :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. well, you're still my hero :) and even more so after this post... you've given us a glimpse of YOUR reality and most of us know exactly what you're dealing with :)

    we all struggle in certain areas of life (in my case it would be time management, as in *i don't have any time management skills at.all*)
    but we pick ourselves up and try to do better the next day.
    and we have blog friends that always make us feel better about things :)
    and i TOTALLY get you about the playdate thing. that's why I'm kind of secretly happy that my kids are going back to school.. no more requests for play dates lol :) xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  7. what a great read. its so easy in "blog world" to think that people have it all together or to convince myself that I have it all together. I love your authenticity!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

hope spoken 2014 | a little recap

well. it feels weird to be back here in this space. i haven't regularly blogged for over a year. i'm feeling like it's time for a redesign but that's beside the point. i'm really here to tell you about Hope Spoken conference that i attended in dallas 2 weekends ago. everyone has been saying how they need time to process everything. i'm no exception. what i'm about to share is really an email i wrote to casey and danielle a few days after i got home, but i've edited and expanded a little. there is still so much more in my heart and mind that's not quite ready to come out:

i'm finally sitting down to pour out my heart after such an amazing weekend. the first thing that's hitting me is these three girls went with a dream and a mission and a calling from Jesus, and were brave to walk through the door and keep going, as danielle describes it. i'm sure they imagined how beautiful it would be but i don't think they could have imagined just …

the idol self-sufficiency

"O God of mine, I'll have no idols..." played over Pandora. "O God of Mine", an old song by Rita Springer, is a beautiful hymn-like melody with soothing vocals and peaceful piano music. deep in thought, as i always am, i was struggling with feelings of fear and shame that had been pulling me under the last few months. i'm determined to be free from its grip, so i'm digging in to find the roots and i'm arming myself with Truth and with practical tools. as that phrase sang form the speakers, it just flickered across my mind -- the idol of self sufficiency. i had never named it before, but i finally understood it as a huge aspect of my struggle with fear and a huge aspect of the burden of shame that i carry. (i wrote a little bit about that here)

now you're thinking i must be a planner, a doer, and get-things-done kind of gal. you're thinking i must run a pretty tight ship, i must be type-A.

and you'd be wrong. self-sufficiency is a idol f…

on embracing disappointment

sometimes it's the hardest thing we'll ever do to pause our ever-moving-forward agendas long enough to see another person. to have compassion and grace and understanding for them, especially when it interferes with our desires, when it means laying down our own needs in order to meet theirs.

our own motives and our own agendas can feel so important and forefront, so that moment of yielding to someone else can feel almost impossible. like a death of sorts.

because you know what? it hurts to die to self. it just does, no matter how insignificant it may seem to an onlooker.

but i'm learning to embrace all of the emotions that come with disappointments like this, not to ignore them or feel shame for experiencing them (probably the hardest part for me). to feel them, acknowledge them, let them sit there while i figure out the next right thing.

it's hard work to live in the tension of wanting to be healthy and magical and able to live above the waves - while still being very…