Skip to main content

to my firstborn [part two]

when she was born, you kept your distance. your little world had been rocked, but you weren't jealous or rough or inconsiderate. just a little bit reserved. maybe a bit indifferent, maybe a bit curious. that's your way. you stand back until you see how you fit in. a lot like me.

soon enough you began to help in any way you could. i think it was your strategy for getting positive attention from me, a way to keep our relationship strong, to make my life easy. you think about those things and you could tell that taking care of a newborn was hard. you were like a second little mommy to her. you still are. always looking out for her, always letting me know when she's crying, always comforting her. you are a natural big sister. it's a role you were always meant to fill.

i know i expect a lot from you. and you will never know how much i pray for discernment and patience and eyes to see you as the three-year-old little girl that you are. i don't want to put all that responsibility on you, but you accept it so gracefully. i'm thankful for that about you.

she was about six months old when you discovered a playmate in her. her little personality started to interest you, and you loved her in a new way. as little as she is, she sure is a spitfire. ever since you realized she could be your friend, you've intended to eek every ounce of energy out of her that you possibly could, to challenge her beyond my comfort level and help her see what kinds of tricks she was really capable of doing. and she has pretty much obliged. i love that. like you're helping her discover that her that she has wings.

she looks up to you, just as i knew she would. she follows you everywhere, lets you dress her up and wrestle with her and do all kinds of things that make me nervous, thinking she's too little and she'll get hurt. i know it will be a constant process for me. a continual letting-go, accepting that she's growing, that you love her and want the best for her, and that i don't need to protect her from you.

you will have your own bond. a strong one. oh how i pray it's a strong one.

thank you for being the big sister and for shepherding your little sister with each milestone. i couldn't imagine her heart in safer little hands than yours. you are a gem, one of a kind, my forever firstborn, my favorite big girl.

[click to read the first letter]


  1. love this. p.s. what do you have about their bed? is it tissue paper poms?

    1. thanks Lindsey! those are Martha Stewart "modern festive paper flowers" found on Amazon (or maybe even your local craft store).


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

on embracing disappointment

sometimes it's the hardest thing we'll ever do to pause our ever-moving-forward agendas long enough to see another person. to have compassion and grace and understanding for them, especially when it interferes with our desires, when it means laying down our own needs in order to meet theirs.

our own motives and our own agendas can feel so important and forefront, so that moment of yielding to someone else can feel almost impossible. like a death of sorts.

because you know what? it hurts to die to self. it just does, no matter how insignificant it may seem to an onlooker.

but i'm learning to embrace all of the emotions that come with disappointments like this, not to ignore them or feel shame for experiencing them (probably the hardest part for me). to feel them, acknowledge them, let them sit there while i figure out the next right thing.

it's hard work to live in the tension of wanting to be healthy and magical and able to live above the waves - while still being very…

here and there

ah, the joys of spray painting. i literally have a hundred picture frames. i've just collected them over the years. usually black or some sort of dark metallic. but since that doesn't really fit my decor style anymore, i'm embracing the spray painting addiction trend that's taking hold of the [mostly blog] world. my husband thinks i'm nuts, until i place everything back into the house and he loves me again because it looks perfect. i even spiritualized spray painting/repurposing here. yes, i really did.

this is my little bookshelf. given to me by my mom. the corkboard is from Homegoods. the other items i've had for years [except the lantern which is a $1 Goodwill find, painted black]. the "a" holds up my books, "j" holds my husband's, and "r" holds my daughter's. she knows that she can only touch her shelf but she always talks about ours. 
i'm thinking i should probably replace the two-moth old baby shower invitation with…

hope spoken 2014 | a little recap

well. it feels weird to be back here in this space. i haven't regularly blogged for over a year. i'm feeling like it's time for a redesign but that's beside the point. i'm really here to tell you about Hope Spoken conference that i attended in dallas 2 weekends ago. everyone has been saying how they need time to process everything. i'm no exception. what i'm about to share is really an email i wrote to casey and danielle a few days after i got home, but i've edited and expanded a little. there is still so much more in my heart and mind that's not quite ready to come out:

i'm finally sitting down to pour out my heart after such an amazing weekend. the first thing that's hitting me is these three girls went with a dream and a mission and a calling from Jesus, and were brave to walk through the door and keep going, as danielle describes it. i'm sure they imagined how beautiful it would be but i don't think they could have imagined just …