1.11.2013

because it's not a checklist, it's a process

so it's a new year. and i purposely didn't write out my "resolutions" or "goals" on january 1st. i have a couple reasons/excuses for why.

1) it's hard for me to set anything in stone. i'm afraid of failing, and you knowing about it, quite honestly. but i'm over that today. my life is not all buttoned up with a bow on top. not even close. i'm not organized and i'm kinda lazy and i start a lot of things without ever finishing. but the things is? i think some of you might be that way too, so why should i try to hide that part of myself? we're all in this together, right?

2) i don't like arbitrarily writing things down like i do my christmas list. that's not what a new year is for. i do view it as a fresh start, but not to accomplish all the things i think i want to accomplish. it's not in my nature to finish everything i start anyway, so that's just setting myself up for failure. the last few years i've decided to ask the Lord what He really wants from me. and last year He was very clear: know Truth. here's what i wrote last january:
this new year i felt God urging me not to come up with a hundred new-year's-resolutions, things i want to accomplish, goals, whatever you want to call them. i can't break fifty habits in a day [or even a year], let alone start fifty new ones. not by my own will, anyway. He was asking me to just know Truth. period. fill my mind with Truth so that there would be no more room for lies. and so that's what i've been doing. every day, reading more Truth, meditating on it, allowing it to transform the way i think.
so i set out to read through the whole Bible, using the chronological one-year Bible. and do you know where my bookmark still sits? somewhere in february, smack in the middle of leviticus.

if i look at that from a completely objective place, i see that i failed. but then i remember that i had a baby february 1. and my life turned upside-down with the new challenge of managing two kids. life got hard for awhile. and then it slowed and i just didn't pick back up in my reading. i read other books in the Bible and did other studies, sure.

but i really believe that God is prompting me again to read it all. just one year, just do it. 

that's the first thing i'm doing in 2013. i've decided not to use that chronological Bible, though. someday i'll read through it, but not this year.

i'm at a point in my life where i know that it's okay to have different needs when it comes to studying and learning. it's okay to admit that leviticus is where i stopped last time, because i just absolutely could not get through it for the life of me. it's also okay to decide that maybe leviticus, if supplemented with the psalms or something a bit more applicable, might probably keep my focus.

and that's what the M'Cheyne plan does. because you're reading one chapter in four different books each day, it gives you the life-giving stuff along with the head-knowledge stuff. it's all important, but it does not all feed our hearts in an immediate way. God desires for us to know Him, and to delight in Him. in choosing this plan, i'm pretty confident i'll stick around long enough to experience both. and i'm desperate to, because i know that the Truth is the only path to freedom and life and peace and joy. i know it, i've experienced it, and i just want more.

i'm absolutely confident that the details and the specific things i need to do or change will be revealed as i meet with God in His Word. that's what it's all about: being in the Word where real heart change can happen. it's just not something i can manufacture or predict on one day before the entire year starts. it's not a checklist, it's a process. and God is as much about the process as the finished product.

the one other thing i'll be doing: memorizing scripture, one verse every two weeks for a total of 24 verses by year's end. i'll be joining up with thousands of women on Beth Moore's blog. i went back and forth with what to memorize. maybe an entire chapter that comprises 24 verses? maybe 24 verses related to a certain theme? but in the end, i'm not going to limit myself. because i have no idea what this year holds for me and i have no idea which Truths will speak to me.

first up is 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, which is sort of a response and a proactive approach to battling everything i told you about on monday:


2 comments:

  1. I like what you said about God being about the process too. I feel like with new mommy hood on the horizon ill have a lot that's unfinished...I already do. My "goal" is to survive motherhood this year and pray it resembles what God wants it to look like.

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  2. I love this girl! And I LOVE that your resolution last year was to "know Truth." I feel like that should always be our goal, but "life" can get in the way of making it a priority. We are a LOT alike in the "start a lot of things & never finish them" kinda way. :) I love that you are giving it another try in reading the Bible through. Thank you for encouraging me tonight in the Word! :)

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